(well, nine, actually—we couldn’t think of ten)
- It beats competitive walking, synchronised swimming, ‘DanceSport’ and any number of namby-pamby pastimes already recognised by the International Olympic Committee (IOC).
- If judo fighters are allowed to break bones in the Olympics (and they are), then shin kicking should be a ‘shoe-in’.
- Even the wrestlers of Ancient Greece used to kick shins (though they also wrestled in the nude, something that modern shin kickers save for the privacy of their own homes).
- Thanks to the Cotswold Olimpicks (est. 1612), the British were the only guardians of the Olympic flame between the Games of ancient Greece and their revival in 1896. Okay, so it took a Frenchman to start the modern Olympics, but he got the idea from us.
- The Cotswold Olimpicks are refreshingly free of multinational sponsorship, dodgy anthems and cheesy opening ‘extravaganzas’.
- The sport has never been tarnished by bribery scandals (though bung-hungry IOC officials could probably wangle a free drink at a local pub).
- Shin Kicking would give ‘teamGB’ a chance to win Olympic gold in a sport more riveting than rowing, curling or, er, skeet shooting.
- Unlike most Olympic sports, it’s a dead cert that at least one of the competitors will actually get hurt.
- There’s no need for dope tests—if anything, stupidity is encouraged.